Modern Romance for the Modern Witch
by JadeRent
Summary: Rukia is the average 15 year old with a part time job and magical powers. A one-shot of boy meets girl with an AU twist. BA IchiRuki FC prompt.


_Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. We'd never get any timely chapters if I did._

_AN: This is a fun entry for the BA contest. The IchiRuki FC in BA is super fun, I recommend it to people who want to participate or just lurk in the shadows and get free goodies. Ahh free goodies and lurking. My kinda place. _

_Anyway, the prompt is 'Rukia, a witch, meets Ichigo.' And it had to be a one-shot, which made it more difficult than I thought. This is just one of my attempts, and since it got done the quickest, I thought I'd turn it in._

_And yes, I'm still working on Indefinitely for those who are curious. I'm sorry for sucking at updating! Gomen! I'm so freaking busy it's giving me ulcers...I hope I'm exaggerating when I say that... Hope you enjoy the little fic!_

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**Modern Romance for the Modern Witch**

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Rukia Kuchiki leaned on the counter with both elbows, her open hands up cradling her face

Rukia Kuchiki leaned on the counter with both elbows, her open hands up cradling her face. Her smallest pinky twirled in little circles to keep the mini-cauldron under the register 'bubbling and boiling' as they say. She was immensely bored working in the deserted little magic shop Urahara owned, but that was the deal she made with him to be Yoruichi's apprentice. Her brother told her that every witch must have a master and Yoruichi was the most talented, experienced, and prominent witch around, so Rukia wasn't left with any other options.

She glanced around the empty and forever dusty store and wondered why the illustrious Sorceress of Flash was working _here_ of all places. And why, for all the goblin toes in the world, did Mistress Yoruichi think _Urahara_ was worth her time? If there was one thing Rukia didn't understand, it was romance.

She sighed loudly, letting a few dust bunnies scramble through the air as she continued to lazily stir her potion. She let out a small snort. It wasn't as if anyone ever asked for a potion. She'd only had one customer the whole month she'd been working. What with the internet and popular goth culture serving as fashion nowadays, anyone with a laptop, a black cat, and candles thought themselves a witch. Rukia frowned. Why was it that she had to go through the proper channels? She already had some natural talent, it wasn't fair she had to go through the ancient rigors of the apprenticeship system when there was a whole section of occult books at her own high school library.

A flash of orange whizzed by the window that caught Rukia's attention. Someone must have been really into Halloween to dress as a pumpkin so early in the month…

The bells of the front door chimed and Rukia immediately straightened up and planted a large—and fake—smile on her face. Just because she hated her job didn't mean she wasn't going to excel at it.

"Good afternoon potential customer! How may I—"

The pumpkin-haired man slammed both hands on the counter and cursed at her. "Bitch!"

Rukia's jaw dropped. _No one_ talked to her like that. No one who's not asking to turn into a toad anyway.

Her hands slammed right along side his and she leaned forward menacingly. "Who are you calling a bitch? You jackass-o-lantern!"

The boy in front of her glared hard and moved even closer, she could hear his molars grinding in anger.

"I'm calling the person who made _this_," he slammed a bottle on the counter, thank goodness it was plastic, "a bitch! You can't mess with people's lives like this!"

Rukia stepped back a bit and crossed her arms. "Hey, I'm sorry if the dye job didn't turn out so well, but you have to read the directions carefully."

The nameless boy groaned and tugged at his hair before shoving the bottle directly in her face, label forward. "It's not a dye job, it's natural dammit! And I'm talking about your freaking _love potion_ crap!"

Rukia blinked and focused on the label in her face as recognition dawned on her. Ah…Urahara's Lovey, Lust, Licorice flavored, True Love Specialty Potion. It was the only item Rukia had sold…and she wasn't sure was even supposed to…

"Uh…"Rukia bit her lip and took the bottle away from the seething boy before his grip broke it into pieces. "I suppose I can offer a refund if you weren't happy with the product." Rukia said lamely.

The guy in front of her looked even more upset if that was possible. He growled a bit and his nostrils flared as, she supposed, he was trying to calm himself. He fisted his hands down at his sides and glared at her some more. "I don't want money you brat!"

Rukia's patience ran out and she regarded him coolly. "It's not brat, foolish boy. It's Kuchiki Rukia. Why the hell did you barge in here if you don't even want money?!"

"The name is Kurosaki Ichigo, and I don't want to be messed with anymore!" They quickly went back to yelling and Rukia stuck a tiny, accusing finger in his face.

"Listen, I didn't even sell the potion to you. I'd remember a giant pumpkin idiot coming in here. The girl I sold the stuff too was really pretty, and if she wasted the stuff on you, then I owe her a refund!"

Ichigo looked about ready to haul her over the counter and start hitting her, but instead his anger completely fizzled and he sunk to the floor in a heap of long arms and legs.

Rukia panicked, thinking she'd accidentally cursed him…it wouldn't be the first time…and ran around to see if he was alright. She took a breath of relief when she saw he was just sulking in public like a toddler.

His hands fisted his bright hair and his bangs covered his face.

He looked pretty pathetic.

Rukia took pity and kicked him lightly with her shoe. "Oi. Don't pout on the floor. It's dirty."

He glanced up at her looking like a sad puppy and Rukia recoiled at the unfamiliar pity. Ichigo shook his head sadly. "You have no idea what your stupid magic crap did."

"Well if you told me like a normal person instead of screaming like a banshee, maybe I'd understand." Rukia grabbed his collar and pulled him up until they were both leaning on the counter once more. "Out with it." She ordered. It wasn't exactly in her nature to coddle poor saps with relationship issues, but Rukia was beginning to feel that this was partly her fault. And she couldn't have a potential customer's meltdown by the register affect her apprenticeship.

"So it's like this…" Ichigo started. "This girl, Inoue Orihime. She's a friend—just a friend…Well she goes to school with me and she gave me…this stuff." He stared at potion like it was a roach covered corpse. "Only it was disguised or something as licorice soda…I took it to be nice, but I don't like licorice so I just brought it home to give it to my dad or something." A look of horror crossed Ichigo's face as he realized what a _monumental _mistake that could have been.

Rukia shook him out of his stupor and prodded him to continue.

"Anyway, I left it out on my desk and my dog got into it…" Ichigo looked disgusted once more. "Kon's always had a problem humping people's legs, but I've never seen him foaming at the mouth like that. For a second we thought he had some demented form of rabies…But then Inoue came over in tears saying how sorry she was and yelling at me not to drink the soda. She and Tatsuki came clean about the potion and…" Ichigo ran a hand through his spiky hair. "It was so freaking embarrassing, in front of my whole family, and now Inoue can't even look at me."

The guilt Rukia was feeling quadrupled. "Orihime and Tatsuki you say?"

_Ding ding._

"_Tatsuki-chan, this isn't a good idea." A pretty girl with long auburn hair timidly followed her sporty-looking friend._

"_Relax Orihime. Ichigo is such a hopeless case we need to use the dark arts to get him to see the light." Tatsuki wandered about, with Orihime flitting to everything that caught her eyes and Rukia saw the opportunity to make big bucks. Urahara had been very insistent about how the sales of magic goods directly correlated with how much help Yoruichi would be to her._

_Rukia chirped up in her friendliest voice. "If it's a boy you want, we have a great assortment of love potions!" she offered with a broad and perhaps frightening smile._

"_Oh no." Orihime objected fiercely with her arms crossed in a big 'x'. "I don't want Kurosaki-kun to fall…to fall…" Her eyes glazed over and sparkles seemed to float from her head. The girl was out of it…_

_Tatsuki stepped forward in her place. "We don't want him to suddenly go ape shit on her. We just want him to notice her a little bit. This guy is such an idiot."_

"_Is he blind?" Rukia asked.  
_

"_He might as well be." Tatsuki snorted. "He's either gay or hasn't hit puberty yet. I mean, look at her," she pointed to the still spaced out Orihime. "How can a guy not notice her?!"_

_Rukia nodded and practically forced the love potion in Orihime's hands, knocking her out of her daze. "I'm an expert in magic and especially love. If the boy is too foolish to notice you now, then he definitely will after this."_

"_But I don't—"_

"_Nonsense!" Rukia demanded. "Take it! Make him drink it! Get married and have babies!"_

_Tatsuki and Orihime looked a little fearful._

_Too aggressive? Rukia toned it down a bit and looked immediately softer. "Don't you want to be happy?" she cooed. "Don't you deserve to be happy? You look like the kind of girl who wouldn't dare deceive someone. You just want to make this boy as happy as you've made him."_

_Orihime looked conflicted. "W-well…that's true, but…it's so dishonest. Like I'm tricking him."_

"_Bah!" Rukia flipped her hand through the air and pulled the girl towards the register. "Women have had to take the lead like this for centuries. Did you know that when witches and warlocks get married, the woman binds the man upside down against a wall and draws on his face until he proposes to love her forever?"_

_The girls stared at her wide-eyed. "Are you serious?" They gasped._

"_Absolutely!" Rukia beamed. "I've been happily married for 75 years."_

_There was a small chance that Rukia was lying through her teeth…about everything…hell she was 15 for goodness sake… but these girls didn't need to know that. She needed to make a sale dammit!_

_Ka-ching. _

"_Have a nice day!" Rukia called out as the girls left with a bottle of love potion and a pack of gum in their bag. "Come back anytime!"_

"This is _so _all your fault!" Ichigo seethed.

Rukia realized she should have kept that story to herself.

She quickly stuck her nose into the air and strolled behind the counter to get her bag. She'd have to close the shop for a few hours, but she felt she owed it to this hapless strawberry who really must have been blind to reject such a sweet girl.

"What are you doing?" Ichigo asked with a scowl that never seemed to leave his face.

"You wanted me to fix all this didn't you?" Rukia grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the shop and down the street. She tossed him a spray can and lead the way. "This a sort of…reset button for spells and curses that go awry." Rukia explained. "We'll just give Orihime and Tatsuki a spray in the face and they won't remember a thing."

Ichigo balked. "A spray in the face? Will that hurt?"

"Might sting."

They strolled along quite comfortably, Rukia was pleased he'd stopped yelling, and paused to cross at an intersection. She appraised him quietly. He _looked_ as though puberty had hit him, and been quite kind in fact. Despite that hair and that ugly expression, he wasn't…horrible…

"You know, it's not that I'm blind." Ichigo started awkwardly with a hand on the back of his neck. "It's just that Inoue's not my type."

Rukia pretended not to be startled and rose her eyebrows before looking both ways as they crossed. "Ah. Nothing wrong with _that_."

Ichigo stumbled. "What's _that_?"

"_That_." Rukia said suggestively. "Alternative lifestyles are—"

"I'm not gay!" Ichigo shouted in the middle of the road, ignoring the cars honking at him.

Rukia hid a smirk and kept walking. "Oh." She said airily.

"She's just not my type!" Ichigo cried as he caught up and they continued walking.

"What is your type?" Rukia asked, not quite understanding what prompted her curiosity.

She didn't catch Ichigo smirk down at her. "Well," He answered dryly, "Definitely not the kind who takes advantage of high school girls to make a sale."

"Wh-!?" Rukia stuttered as Ichigo turned a corner sharply.

"Where are you going?!" She cried out.

"Inoue lives in the opposite direction." He said smugly.

Rukia stomped after him. "Arrogant ass."

Ichigo turned to face her, walking backwards with an even broader smile on his face. "My type doesn't curse so much either."

"I'll show you a curse!" Rukia threatened before they broke into a chase. Ironically, when she pinned him down, she used a binding spell and wrote all over his face.

Perhaps Rukia knew more about romance than she realized.

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End file.
